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Archive for September, 2009

a lot…

you know…there is a lot I have wanted to say recently about friends and experiences and the first week of classes. but as the first week dwindles to the last few hours there is nothing that i can say but LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

I am filled with it.

I am defined by it.

I am BLESSED with it. (and trust that never in my lifetime have i used the word “blessed” to describe an emotion)

I am so overwhelmed by love that i find myself WEEPING at the thought of how much love i feel when surrounded by amazing friends.

I have never before appreciated my ability to love, my love of love, to the extent that i do now. I wish that i could emerse myself in it every second of every day.

It’s real…platonic…but so welcoming and warm and right.

I finally feel like I have real, unadulterated, uncompromising, forgiving, loving FRIENDS.

It sounds relatively insignificant, but to me it is huge, and wonderful, and life-changing.

Sad? Maybe…but we are no longer defined by high school and our friends (or lack thereof) but by ourselves. The SELF that we discover. The SELF who makes new friends. The SELF who is accepting and loving and wonderful. The SELF who LOVES, LIVES, and LAUGHS. The SELF who is not defined by others, but accepts itself and the others around them and loves them as individuals who are more complex and more interesting than they are.

I love. That is what i do.  I have finally found friends to love…and i think that’s probably the single best thing I”ve ever discovered.

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There’s something about early fall which brings the flutteriest of butterflies to my stomach. The slowly changing leaves, the smell of recently purchased school supplies and the jubilant cheers of the newest class at Queen’s make me so happy that I’m constantly on the verge of tears. Yes, I’m a crier, but I love the sense of community, sense of hope and new beginnings that this week leading up to classes brings. It doesn’t hurt that I am once again surrounded by the most amazing group of friends in the world.

Last friday night – when I was still in Toronto in a sort of cruel limbo between having finished work and the drive to kingston on Sunday morning – I was frantically texting with two of my good friends from school who were already in Kingston. These friends live together and at the time they were, of course, sitting about two feet away from one another, but I was texting them both in any case. Ally, (with whom I’m going to see HAIR) said to call her and when I did i was greeted heartily on the other end by a chorus of good friends yelling “SAMMMYYYYYY!!!”, “Come HOMEE” and “I WANT YOU IN MY LIFEEE!”. It brought tears to my eyes to think that there were people out there who actually appreciated me and my presence. I mean, yes, i’ve had a lot of good friends throughout my life and many groups of friends, but this is one that I think (and hope to the ends of the earth) will actually last. I’ve known most of these people for only a year (exactly, to this week, actually) and I feel closer to many of them that I have ever felt in my life with anyone else.

I had this discussion with several of my good friends from Toronto this summer. It’s not that we’ve changed since high school, but it’s that we were always the people who were different – who cared – in high school, which has resulted in the disintegration of friendships from the four years that we were told would be the best of our lives. I’m a friend person, I have a few really close friends, but i’ve always had a large network and cared deeply about all of them, so when I say now that I’m really not that torn up about losing friendships that I thought were quote, “lifelong friendships” in high school, it’s a pretty big deal… I mean, I’m a hufflepuff. We’re all about the friends and loyalty. But now I have a network of friends who actually share common goals and interests other than the basic human need to “belong”, which i’ve found to be the basis of most superficial friendships that are so ever-present in high school and even first-year of uni.

My housemates here are an entirely different story. I love them deeply. Yes, we’re all very different. And yes, we’re not as close and nor do we share as many inside jokes and even intimacies that I do with some of my other friends, but it’s a sort of familial bond which is so important and so comforting when you’re away from mom and dad. We come to each other for advice and for encouragement that comes from a deep understanding of what we want, who we are as individuals and who we are outside of the house, outside of Queen’s, outside of Kingston and outside of our backgrounds. It’s a family whose bonds go beyond a normal friendship, but we can still have an insane amount of fun together.

I’m just so happy to be back.

days until New York: 29

days until HAIR: 30

yoga classes this school year: 1

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Now I just need to get to new york to see this cast…my life will not be complete otherwise.

My life will, in fact, be complete.

A few weeks ago my parents surprised me by saying the words I have been wanting to hear all summer:

We’re going to New York City.

The trip is happening this Thanksgiving weekend – a week after my birthday. The adventure will commence on Friday morning when my parents arrive in Kingston to pick up myself and my wonderful friend Ally. She’s my guest on our weekend in NYC because she’s a very good friend of mine and this trip and seeing Hair will be equally as important to her as it will to me, as she is one of the people I have been obsessing with all summer. Seriously, when we’d email at work, for at least two months our emails opened with a different quote from the soundtrack. I’m sure that if you piece together the random quotes we shared you could have the whole soundtrack. Hahah. Once we ran out of Hair quotes we moved onto Harry Potter quotes, and for at least a month we played “Amorentia, Imperius, Avada Kedavra” in each of our emails. Two peas, I tell you.

Anyway, back to the trip. We’re driving to New York City on Friday, then we’ll check into our hotel and go out on the town for dinner and everything. Saturday we will do some touristy things, walk through Central Park, 5th avenue, Times Square Magnolia bakery, FAO Schwarz, Tiffany’s etc etc. Saturday night is when Ally and I are going to see Hair, which will be sooo amazing.  After the show we will obviously go to the stage door and meet our idols (Gavin Creel, Allison Case, Caissie Levy, Kacie Sheik, Andrew Kober, Bryce Ryness, Will Swenson and the list goes on). I’m sure that we will be too excited to even think, let alone go to bed, so we’ll be out on the town until it’s socially unacceptable. Sunday we will be extending our stay as long as possible then we’ll be heading back to Kingston where my parents will be staying until they head back to toronto on the holiday monday.

Ally, my parents and I have been talking about the trip for about a month but even still it seems entirely surreal – like a dream. I’ve wanted to see the show since May and talked about having to go to NY, but never did I think I’d actually get there.

My first Broadway show…wow.

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