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Posts Tagged ‘disappointment’

Amazon. You idiots.

I am too fuming to really blog right now. But basically, as you all probably know, Amazon has removed the rankings of the majority of the books containing homosexual content, including biographies of homosexual celebrities including Stephen Fry and Ellen Degeneres, and deeming them as “adult” content, so therefore they are stripped of their sales rankings.

Well, I would but I have to study.

I just needed to express how PEEVED I am at the world. Why do people have to be so, words cannot even explain how outrageous this all is.

Gahhhhh I’m so pissed.

Oh yeah, there’s 12 days until we’re popping the Pol Roger.

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I feel like one.

If anyone read my blog before beda, they’ll know that I have had a LOT of disappointments this year. Nothing drastic, but drastic enough that I’ve cried a good amount of tears about. A few examples:

  1. I got cut from the varsity Figure Skating team at my uni. This particularly sucked because I had skated my entire life and besides school and my extra-curriculars there it was pretty much the only thing I did. When you’re so invested in something you generally want to choose when you stop doing that something. I didn’t get to choose when I stopped skating, the coach of varsity did. I still miss skating so, so much… it sucks. But, of course, I still care a lot about the girls on the team because some of them are my really good friends, one is my housemate (with whom I had skated since we were 7 <3).
  2. I didn’t get OC. OC is a position generally for third year students in ArtSci at my university who are hired after being Gaels to plan Orientation for the following year. I really, really wanted to be OC because Frosh Week at my school is the greatest thing EVER. I always put my heart and soul into everything I do, and this was just another one of those times that my heart was broken. I think I cried for about a week. I have a few friends who got the position and I still can’t look at their photos from OC events because it makes me uber sad, although I support and am extremely proud of those who got it. We love our OCs! We love our OCs!
  3. I didn’t get NEWTS OC. NEWTS OC is a position open to all students to help organise orientation for New and Transfer students at my Uni. I applied because, I mean, why the hell not? It was a long shot because I wasn’t a NEWT, nor was I a Gecko, so I was really just winging it. I wasn’t really torn up about this one, but it’s another to add to the list of my disappointments this year.
  4. Finally, I didn’t get a job at the Common Ground, TAMS or the QLC. This was the latest blow to my self esteem. I applied for a whole bunch of jobs within my school, two with student government services and one with the library. I tried to remain optimistic, like I was with everything I went out for this year, because I thought that I would at least be offered one of the three minimum wage campus jobs I applied for. I even got second round interviews and everything. The lists were posted today and, of course – because apparently lifehates me this year – I didn’t get any of them.

I’m not necessarily upset about not getting any of the jobs I applied for, I can get over that easily enough. In fact, I’m over it already. But I just so tired of all of the failed attempts and the subsequent disappointments that have come along with them.

I know that life is full of disappointments (good god I need a thesaurus) and I should get used to it because life gets much harder than this. But I mean, COME ON, UNIVERSE! Cut me some slack! In high school – and even in first year – I was just so used to all of my extra-curricular things working out; I was one of the big fish at my high school. Now I’m still a big fish, but I’m in a sea with whales and sharks and giant squids and nothing I do can get the attention of my superiors. Its catch and release. I take the bait, suffer for it, but I’m not quite big enough to be eaten yet, so they throw me back into the ocean that is my school with all of the other sad little fishies. I want to be dinner…

Okay, so its not a perfect metaphor, but you get my drift.

I just really thought that I’d get one of those jobs and I’d feel like my time here was worth more than just my degree, because that’s not the only reason why you go to university. At least it’s not the main reason I’m here.

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    I’d like to interview for a volunteer position that  I loved and get the position. 

    I’m always in a group of several “amazing” applicants, but I’m never “amazing” enough. There is never “room” for me. I’m honestly tired of it. Sadly, I know that my future will be filled with disappointments like this one and so many others I’ve had this year.

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    On the plus side, I do have a summer job.

    I’m working for my Dad’s company again, but I’ll be making money and I don’t have to have an interview.

    Win.

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    Hey there, 

    You just got a new puppy, Maggie May. Cherish her, love her, and spend more time with her because she’ll be gone sooner than you know it. 

    Your Mom will suggest reading a book called Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone and will buy it for you at Costco despite you telling her that you wouldn’t like it because everyone else is reading it. You’ll listen to her anyway because you know she’s right (you just like arguing with her) and you’ll sit at home on that rainy september afternoon and fall in love. It’ll be an afternoon you’ll remember forever, I promise.

    Your house is in shambles and your parents keep fighting but it’ll be better by Christmas, I promise. They’re just stressed because the crazy neighbour doesn’t like the height of your house. You’ll understand the drama soon enough, the details don’t matter right now, you’re only ten.

    You’ll have lots of great friends this year and they’ll all celebrate with you when you ring in the year 2000 and when you graduate from grade 5, but middle school brings an entirely new adventure. 

    Grade six will seem like grade five. You have all the same friends and even some new ones. You’ll still be your young, happy self and you’ll get all A’s except for your one C in science (which causes your mother to send you to science camp in the summer, you hate the idea but you’ll have fun, really). This is your last year receiving letter grades and in following years you’ll feel less smart, but it’s not true. 

    Grade seven will be different. You’ll start being someone you’re not. Nylons belong on your feet not around your head as a headband. Stop listening to rap and trying to be “gangsta” – that’s not you at all. Also, your parents didn’t forget your birthday, stop being dramatic, and when Wesley calls you a “fat turkey” – ignore it. What kind of insult is that anyway?

    Grade eight is better, you’ll make better school friends and you’ll have an amazing teacher but get rid of that all consuming crush on Brian. It won’t happen and he’s cute now but a total LOSER in high school, trust me. 

    Throughout middle school you won’t have any best friends, at least not from school. The friends you have made at skating over the years will forever be your best. Caitlin is someone you’ll have in your life forever and don’t be discouraged when she leaves Ice Storm to skate for Black Ice or goes off to University because your friendship is one that is so everlasting that you can be far apart and not talk for a while, but your friendship is always strong. She is your best friend. Also, Lara is someone you’re not close with now but come University you will be closer than you could ever imagine. 

    High school is where you really start to discover who you are. Grade nine will be slow on the friendship front, but come grade ten you’ll build a group of friends that will be there for a very long time. Try and be involved in everything you can. Join the Hockey team even though your skating coach doesn’t like it because you’ll have an awesome time (despite your embarrassing penalty shot you have to take in your first game). Have fun in band, love those people as much as your other friends because they’ll also turn out to be some of your greatest friends (even though you don’t eat lunch with them every day). 

    You’ll have your first boyfriend in grade 11. He’s really nice and he likes you a whole lot but know this: hanging out is not dating. Your mom and dad won’t think he’s right for you because he has no ambitions, you’ll disagree, but it doesn’t matter anyway because he’ll break up with you before school one day for reasons you’ll never be sure of. But you’ll get over it because you’ll wollow that night with Ben and Jerry’s and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on DVD, which came out that same day. 

    In grade ten you’ll go on a family trip to England for three weeks. It’ll be a trip you’ll remember for the rest of your life, and you’ll be remembering it with the most incredible family members for years to come. It’ll be a trip like no other and you’ll see things that most tourists (and even true Londoners) will never see (or even notice). Cherish those three weeks because they’ll fly by. But don’t worry, you’ll have over 4000 photographs to remember it by. You will never truly no how to Factor in math because of this trip but don’t worry because you won’t use it beyond high school (and you have amazing math teachers and tutors who’ll help you along, and even bump up your marks).

    You’ll be really, really, silly and take chemistry and physics in grade 11 instead of biology for your science credit. You’ll get not great marks because a) you suck at physics and b) your friend Mikey in chem is really distracting. You’ll improve in chem towards the end of the semester because Mikey drops the course. You’ll still suck at physics. Don’t stress too much, you won’t take science past grade 11 anyway.

    You’ll have amazing english teachers in high school who’ll encourage you and make you fall in love with english lit. You’ll cry to them about writing and they’ll tell you to stop panicking about writing essays because you’re a great writer and have never gotten under an 80 on a paper. Listen to them because eventually you’ll be writing essays non-stop for four years. 

    Your parents will give you the opportunity to go to England for a second time to take your grade 12 English course. You will meet some great people and one best friend. You won’t really realise how great a friend she is until the last week of the trip in Dublin, and mostly after the trip ends and you’ve gone home. Spend more time with her on the trip and ignore that boy Kyle you hooked up with while in Dublin. He won’t even give you his email to keep in touch and when you’re sad when he ignores you on the way home, Jazz will be there to make you feel better. Also, you and Jazz live on opposite ends of Toronto, so really, really make and effort to see each other because you’ll have some of the most amazing times together.

    Maggie, your beloved puppy, passes away on November 11th of grade 11. It’ll be one of the worst days of your life and you’ll cry like you never have before. There’s nothing I can say to make this better. 

    You and James have a few interesting moments together. Push aside those feelings no matter how much it hurts and be supportive of his relationship. They’re still together and they’re happy, so be happy for them.

    Senior year will be amazing. You won’t have a date for prom but that doesn’t matter, you’ll have an unforgettable night and weekend, although one of your friendships sadly end over spilled water, literally. It hurts but don’t fret too much. She’s fickle and you’ll realise this over time.

    Cindy, your dog who has been with you for fifteen years, gets sick and has to be put down in July before you go to Uni. Your’re home with her when you notice her coughing and whining. Spend time with her before Dad comes home to take her to the vet. You’ll feel guilty for doing it, but remember she was in pain and had been for a long time. 

    You’ll be sad that you didn’t get into Con-Ed. However you end up going to the greatest university ever and you soon realise that you don’t really want to be a teacher anyway.

    You still have no idea who, what or where you want to be by half way through your second year, try not to let it get you down. 

    First year is filled with many thrills and firsts. You’ll make great friends but then inexplicably lose them after first year ends. They weren’t really your friends in the first place. With one of those “friends” you become really close and you plan to live with her the following year. This plan falls through because she drops out and doesn’t tell you. You’ll be really sad and really stressed about housing. Ask for help, don’t be ashamed or proud. Go to the girl who you’ve known and loved for almost your whole life. Lara and her friends will welcome you as their new housemate and they will keep you going in your second year whenever you want to curl up and forget it all.

    Second year is full of disappointments. You won’t make the skating team, making this year the first in which you’ve not skated since you were three. It hurts like hell, especially since Lara’s still skating and you feel like you’ve lost your only real friends from first year. You haven’t lost them. Keep in touch. They miss you too. 

    You’ll try incredibly hard for it, but you won’t get OC. It sucks, but don’t let your love of frosh week die just because you don’t get to experience it again. You love Queen’s for Queen’s and don’t forget that. 

    You’ll feel like you’re in a rut, like you’re not doing anything but school work. Read, have fun, stay active and make it a point to be super involved in your third year. Find something new to be passionate about. 

    Future me, that last one’s for you.

    Love, 

    Present You

     

     

    [this idea is stolen from littleradge’s new video chain on youtube]

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