Last night I FINALLY saw Stars! It was absolutely incredible and not awkward at all because Boy X wasn’t there like I thought he might be. It was seriously one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to. It was so intimate and lovely and I mean, they throw ROSES at the crowd! So great! It pretty much completed my life.
When we left the concert last night it was so perfect because it was snowing these huge flakes and it looked gorgeous in the lights and the house across the street had a beautiful, glowing christmas tree in the window and it was lovely. It snowed pretty much all day today, not much of it stuck on the ground but it’s still nice. After finishing my FINAL ESSAY OF THE SEMESTER I baked and listened to christmas music and basically just chilled because I’m done with work until i actually start studying on sunday for my only exam the following Friday! I love being an english major.
Sadly, it seems as though this boy situation is going nowhere. I mean, I didn’t really expect it to since he does have a girlfriend and everything, but a girl can only dream, right? I feel like all the people who know about our little escapade on Saturday night think that I should be, or am, feeling guilty about what happened, but I honestly don’t know why I should. Okay, if I initiated everything and if I knew his girlfriend, THEN I might feel guilty. But he initiated it, led me to believe that he wasn’t with his girlfriend anymore (whether intentionally or not), and started kissing me, when his housemate walked in, he stood up, shut the door and continued kissing me. It was only when he suddenly said “I’ve got to go” and completely bolted that I had any inkling that maybe he was still with his girlfriend, and I didn’t know for sure until my friend and his housemate filled me in. I am not the villain in this story, but people think I am. I’m not saying what happened was right, in retrospect, but really, at the time, what was happening was just a normal hook up, and as far as I’m concerned, I was led to believe as such.
You’re probably wondering why I have feelings for someone who would, in my opinion, willingly cheat on his girlfriend, and honestly I am too. But obviously he felt remorse because he didn’t let it go any farther than it did (not that it really would have). I admit, we were (quite) intoxicated and obviously neither of us were thinking correctly, but there’s a party of me that believes you are really more of yourself when you’re drunk. Fewer inhibitions and all that crap. I dunno. I guess there’s a part of me (the forever intoxicated and frivolous part) that wants to believe that maybe, in that setting with just the right amount of rum and coke in his system, that he liked me too, and that that part of him would stick with him like it has stuck with me.
Honestly though, I really need to forget about it. It won’t happen, can’t happen, and, I guess, it shouldn’t happen. I mean, he’s not even accepting my facebook friend request. lol.
fml.
talons and tea leaves 